YOU MIGHT BE A FOLK METALHEAD IF…

YOU MIGHT BE A FOLK METALHEAD IF…

Support: Picture credit: deviantArt. Folk metalheads are my people. I love them, am endlessly aggravated by them, and enjoy making fun of them. They’re like the brothers and sisters I never had, so I’m going to channel Jeff Foxworthy a little and rag on them like only a fellow folk metal fan can. You might be a folk metalhead if… You know at least five songs with “Ginnungagap” in the title Having this experience actually inspired this entire article. Most people have never even heard of Ginnungagap, but here I was, rummaging through my folk metal queue on Plug.dj, looking for Einherjer’s “Out of Ginnungagap” and finding myself unable to filter by “Ginnungagap” alone. Even if you don’t actively follow any Old Norse religions, you probably also know the names of places, people, things, & concepts that the vast majority of people worldwide are totally unfamiliar with. You have thanked Odin instead of God Christianity is so 1,982 years ago. Thanking Odin, or saying “Odin damn it” (as if damnation itself isn’t Christian as fuck), is a sign of being way too into folk metal as well as a huge dork. Double dork points if you spell it Óðinn and you’re not actually Icelandic. You’ve learned at least half the elder futhark alphabet from band logos alone When I was a teenager, my Wiccan friend taught me elder futhark runes so that we could pass notes in class that would be mostly — save for words like “bitch” and “shirt” — be unreadable by teachers if we were caught. At certain points in my life, I could write in...
TOP 5 BANDS I’VE SEEN SINCE MY HIATUS

TOP 5 BANDS I’VE SEEN SINCE MY HIATUS

Support: Songkick and Bandsintown do not give a shit that you’re on hiatus — they will still clog up your inbox with show alerts. As such, I ended up going to a few shows even though I was trying to cut back. It worked out pretty great, because it turns out that quality really IS better than quantity. Even though I didn’t go out too often, the shows I did see were superb. Here’s who I saw and enjoyed. 1. Claim the Throne Claim The Throne‘s first North American tour passed through Brooklyn in January, and they are absolutely amazing. It was super irresponsible for me to be out in Williamsburg at 2am, but there was no way I was going to miss these guys. The more sensible members of the crowd trickled out as the night went on and Claim The Throne ended up playing to a crowd of about a dozen people, giving their set a really intimate feel. 2. Metsatöll The last time I’d seen Metsatöll was at Stage 48, an overcrowded, inconveniently located venue that was clearly never designed to accommodate metalheads. Even though I love the band, the show just wasn’t all it could be. This time though, they played at Irving Plaza to an enthusiastic crowd. Every band (Týr supported and Eluveitie headlined) gave it 100% that night, but Metsatöll really stood out as fantastic. The Offspring Yeah, yeah, not metal, whatever. I am a long-time crazed Offspring fanatic, it’s true. Back in the late ’90s when my friends were fawning over boy bands, I was fawning over Noodles and naming my Tamagotchi...
TOP 5 REASONS I’M BACK

TOP 5 REASONS I’M BACK

Support: Hi everybody, it’s me, She-Wolf. I hope you haven’t all forgotten about me! I took a much-needed break for a while, but now I’ve returned. Here is a list of reasons why I couldn’t quit you after all. 1. I still had a lot to say In the first few months after I went on hiatus, I found myself looking at Facebook, seeing juicy stories, and wanting to tell everyone about them…which is exactly what I was no longer able to do. I’d lost my ability not only to spread the word about fun stuff, but also to vent! It’s one thing to chat with friends about little annoyances, but it’s sooooo much more satisfying to use a public forum. 2. I have time on my hands now Photo credit: My Cuckoo Clocks. Part of the reason my heart was no longer in Hear Evil was that I didn’t have time to put my heart into much of anything. Eventually my day job had me doing the work of three people (with the hourly rate, not even a salary, of one), all while training someone new. Getting home before 8pm was a luxury. After I moved on to greener (in more ways than one) pastures in September, my mind & body were way less encumbered. Going to shows and paying attention were no longer burdensome obligations — they were enjoyable hobbies again! Speaking of which… 3. I kind of needed a hobby Breeding Pokemon during my commutes and watching American Dad on Netflix do not count as hobbies. I missed flexing my brain muscles to come up with...
TOP TEN GUILTIEST METAL PLEASURES (PART II)

TOP TEN GUILTIEST METAL PLEASURES (PART II)

Support: Photo credit: EverydayFamily.org. I wrote about guilty metal pleasures once upon a time, but this time, I wanted to focus on metal STUFF rather than metal TUNES. Metal is more than just the music, so let’s sit back and enjoy the little things that make you cringe and make participating in this big old ridiculous scene interesting/awesome/shameful. 10. Cheesy power metal If Gloryhammer doesn’t bring a smile to your face, congratulations — you are dead inside. I maintain that no one is too kvlt for cheesy power metal, especially when they have a couple of beers in them. It’s just too much fun to resist. 9. Mjølnir pendants Photo credit: Celtic Copper. Not talking about those of you who are Ásatru — talking about people who wear Mjølnir pendants because they like folk metal SO MUCH. I get it, they look cool. When I was in Denmark, I started a conversation with a dude because of his pendant. They are pretty silly though, and they definitely count as guilty pleasures. 8. Singing along at shows Photo credit: Kenneth Author. Apparently there are people out there who not only DON’T sing along at shows, but also dislike when other people do. Ridiculous! Singing along at shows is my Odin-given right! Just TRY to stop me from singing along with “Ramund Hin Unge” when Týr comes around — I will elbow you in the damned neck! 7. Wearing merch for bands you don’t know/like Lord Dying. Anthrax. Warbringer. I have merch from all of these bands. I can name approximately five songs between them. Whatever. I don’t have anything prove...
TÝR LIVE PHOTOS FROM NEW YORK CITY BY SINESTRA STUDIOS!

TÝR LIVE PHOTOS FROM NEW YORK CITY BY SINESTRA STUDIOS!

Support: Support: Have you seen these yet? DEATH ANGEL LIVE PHOTOS FROM NEW YORK CITY BY SINESTRA STUDIOS! THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER LIVE PHOTOS FROM NEW YORK CITY BY SINESTRA STUDIOS! CARCASS LIVE PHOTOS FROM NEW YORK CITY BY SINESTRA STUDIOS! CHILDREN OF BODOM LIVE PHOTOS FROM NEW YORK CITY BY SINESTRA STUDIOS! BLACK LABEL SOCIETY LIVE PHOTOS FROM NEW YORK CITY BY SINESTRA...

HAPPY RAGNARÖK (AND NATIONAL MARGARITA DAY)!

Support: Photo credit: The Independent. Are you prepared for the world to end today? Maybe it’s because you don’t have a margarita in your hand, silly goose! Everyone knows that the best beverage with which to await the demise of all life on earth is a grim and frostbitten blood (of thine enemies) orange marg — no salt. Sit back and enjoy the ride! Oh, and, of course, here are some tunes to listen to while you sip your drink and watch everybody around you die. See you all in Hel! Support: Have you seen these yet? HAPPY NATIONAL BEER DAY, HEARERS OF EVIL! PERIPHERY: “RAGNAROK” VIDEO RELEASED! TOP TEN SONGS ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, FINLAND! FROM THE VAULT – HAPPY METAL BIRTHDAYS – JUNE...
THE HOTTEST GUYS IN HEAVY METAL: PART 4

THE HOTTEST GUYS IN HEAVY METAL: PART 4

Support: It’s Thirsty Thursday, and She-Wolf is thirsty indeed. 1. Dave Culross (Suffocation) I’m a sucker for a man with red hair, but Dave Culross would be hot with brown hair or blond hair or green hair or no hair at all. Talent is sexy, and drumming is so delightfully physical — the tats help a lot too. I could barely keep my tongue in my mouth while we shot the video for “As Grace Descends.” 2. Lauri Porra (Stratovarius) Not only is he gorgeous in that long-haired hippie kind of way, he also has a sense of humor that comes across from the stage. It was fun taking pictures of him at Tuska in more ways than one. 3. Terji Skibenæs (Týr) No list of sexy metal men would be complete without some Viking sexiness. Sure he’s kind of arrogant sometimes, but wouldn’t you be if you looked this good? 4. Richie Faulkner (Judas Priest) Not that the rest of the band isn’t sexy in its own way, but newcomer Richie Faulkner is bound to turn some heads. He’s all young and fresh, and he can still jam with the best of them. 5. Rowan “Roodbaert” Middelwijk (Heidevolk) I want to make love to his beard…and his hair…and his body. *cough* 6. Alex Skolnick (Testament) The grown and sexy Alex Skolnick makes me feel like a giggly little girl again. I know he’s closer to my mom’s age than mine, but when he looks and plays like he does, how can I really care? 7. Mark Osegueda (Death Angel) Who knew impractically long dreadlocks could be sexy? Mark...
PAGANFEST USA 2014: MY IDEAL LINE-UP

PAGANFEST USA 2014: MY IDEAL LINE-UP

Support: As you folkheads know, the Paganfest USA promoters have delayed the announcement of the 2014 line-up — again — much to everyone’s chagrin. Since they’re taking their sweet time (they just posted on their Facebook page that announcements will be made tomorrow at noon EST), I figure they’re probably still open to suggestions. In no particular order, here are mine: Týr Yes I know they’ve played Paganfest before — yes I know they’ll be probably busy with their own tour when Paganfest rolls around. I’m biased, leave me alone. Einherjer Every time Einherjer gets close to the United States, something seems to go wrong. They canceled on Heathen Crusade last year, as well as SXSW. Wouldn’t it be great if they could get everything together and headline Paganfest? Maybe the visa gods will smile upon them this time. Lovijatar They’re new and perhaps unproven, but I’d love to see an up and coming band support Paganfest this year, especially one that American fans generally haven’t been exposed to yet. We clearly don’t have any aversion to Finnish folk metal judging by how Korpiklaani never seem to leave us alone. Тролль Гнёт Ель Arkona is not the only folk metal band from Russia that ever existed, people! We need a little Тролль Гнёт Ель (otherwise known as “Troll Bends Fir”) in our lives! You can link arms and dance around in circles to their stuff, you can drink to their stuff — what’s not to like? Equilibrium Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. American audiences have been clamoring for Equilibrium since I was but a wee lass....
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